it's really been aggravating me lately that my mom completely ignores the shit i've been through JUST so i can be "just like her". when a person has a child- they SHOULD want them to do the BEST they can.. EVEN if it's DIFFERENT from them. she has seemed to jump at the opportunity to have my health problems in common with her, so that'll drag me to the same level she's at- regardless of all the shit i've been through. i could've grasped the victim role the minute i was in a car accident and remained in a damn wheelchair but i acknowledged that i was ALL i had to depend on- everyone dies or has things going on in their own lives to be worried about besides MY WELL-BEING. I AM NOT THE MAIN PRIORITY OF ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE BUT MY OWN. it's difficult for narcissists like my mom to realize that. MISERY LOVES COMPANY. so she assumes that the only fucking thing i'm capable of is to attend a rehabilitation "institute" that underestimates my ability so they can continue making money outta "helping" me get better while they DON'T challenge me to get better (so i'll be as well as i am when i first came to the joke of a place but it's an advantage if i get worse- so they can take advantage of it! since amanda and no one else gives a damn about MY WELL-BEING.. she's basically carelessly enabling them). it aggravates me that my mom has NEVER shown ANY interest in me working WHATSOEVER. my mom told me excitedly about my brother working before on the phone and she seems to be satisfied with my sister working when she does work. WHAT THE FUCK MAKES ME ANY DIFFERENT THAN EITHER OF THEM?! WE ALL CAME FROM THE SAME PLACE. i've been through many different colleges and i've done rehabilitation therapy while going to college. MY MOM AND AMANDA SEEM TO CONVENIENTLY IGNORE ALL THE THINGS I'VE EVER DONE! WHAT A COINCIDENCE! i'm sure amanda laughs at my ptsd diagnosis from my psychologist because ptsd is only for soldiers and she knows everything. i've been through a lot of shit in my life pertaining to that diagnosis. as much shit as a normal soldier of war goes through and YOU (AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY- EXCEPT JOE) ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT. a CARING family member would do everything in their power (NOT JUST CONVENIENCE) to make sure their relative received EFFECTIVE therapy which ACTUALLY helps them get BETTER (NOT STAY THE SAME). i AM capable of MORE than just hauling my ass to some sorry excuse of a "rehabilitation institute" which preys on unadvocated clients so they can falsely get paid by the state to "help" them do shit my living room wall could do. ANYONE (my mom, sister, amanda, and anyone else that doesn't truly care about my WELL-BEING) who encourages me to go to courage kenny just because that's ALL they think i'm capable of can just STOP dealing with me because they don't have my well-being in mind.. only what's more "convenient" for THEM and what makes THEM look "good". just don't even try to make it look like you're helping me because YOU'RE NOT. you're causing damage to my mental health which will eventually start to effect my physical health- if you TRULY cared about ME, you'd recognize that and stop working with selfish motives. just stop. you're not gonna get a present or rewarded for acting like you actually give a shit about me.
the ics worker assisted me in starting to fill out the apartment assistance packet that the massachusetts housing company sent me when he came today this morning. i need information on the past apartments i've lived at, so i need to wait for my case manager to get that information tomorrow.
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